Funny Things Your Parents Said When Coming Out

06-22-2012, 11:58 AM

Was reflecting with my sister the other day about my dad and some of the things he would say we thought were funny and never got old.

When calling the house my dad would answer and when I asked where my mom was he would reply: "she went up the hens ass to see the egg factory" or "she went to take a sh*t in the hogs eater and now the hog has a belly ache"

Referred to sex as a man "dipping his wick" or "greasing his minnow"

If you were mad "what's the matter fat-ass did your corn dog fall of the stick"

And his little poem "Mary had a little lamb, she tied it to a heater, everytime he turned around he'd burn his little peter".

His most famous reply when he was calling BS on you "awwww horse sh*t"

06-22-2012, 12:02 PM

When my dad was mad at someone he would call them a horses ass. i always thought that hilarious for some reason.

06-22-2012, 12:04 PM

My parents always told me i would be fat if i continued to eat so much....thought it was funny cuz it happened

06-22-2012, 12:46 PM

Me: Dad, it wasn't my fault. If...

Dad: If frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their butts when they hopped.

06-22-2012, 12:56 PM

My pops was nuts, he would call all of us Mamao, Bendejo, and Pato man I really miss that man!

One thing funny I remember about my moms, if we said we were hungry in Spanish though, it would go like this.

Pardon my horrible Spanish
Us: Ma, yo tengo ambre, Her: Levanta la pies chuba el deo mas grande y sacale sangre

Translation Ma I am hungry, her, Pick up your leg, suck on the biggest toe till you draw blood. But it all rhymes in Spanish

06-22-2012, 12:59 PM

Me: Do you know where my (whatever) is?
Dad: If your (whatever) was up your ass kicking footballs you'd know where it was!

Doesn't make much sense but always thought it was funny

06-22-2012, 12:59 PM

My dad wasn't big on humor, but he did say some odd (and, to me, entertaining) things.
The first one that comes to mind is him referring to any scary movie, especially about ghosts and hauntings, as "a real spookeroo".
For some reason that still makes me smile.

06-22-2012, 01:11 PM

My dad used to call my boyfriends by the previous boyfriend's name. On purpose. Made funnier by the fact that I did not bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend and it was often months between one and the next.

06-22-2012, 02:33 PM

More from my mother than my father. She's german and a hard time pronouncing words sometimes....

Mom "wait 'til your father gets home." I heard that a lot but it wasn't funny.

Mom after we did someting we souldn't "You little sunamabitch come here"

Mom used the wooden spoon on us. She broke it off on my a$$ one day. "you broke my good spoon!!!!!!! Now you're gonna get it." As she was getting the plastic one.

My father had one really good one. My GF called one day. He answered the phone and she thought it was me.
GF "John?"
Dad "yea"
GF " i missed you last night."
Dad "yea"
GF "I was thinking about your touch and.."
Dad "I thik you want my son."
GF "sorry bye"
I got home and he said "i think you're in trouble with the GF"

06-22-2012, 02:37 PM

My dad used to say "Get outta my way jackass"

My mom would say things like "Shut the hell up before I smack you"

Jokes on them. One is dead and the other is lonely bitter old person waiting for the inevitable lung cancer to set in.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

06-22-2012, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by john-t-b View Post

Mom after we did someting we souldn't "You little sunamabitch come here"

Mom had self esteem issues?

06-22-2012, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by Redstyx View Post

My mom would say things like "Shut the hell up before I smack you"

Sounds like something my mom would say "I'll slap you to sleep and then slap your for sleeping"

06-22-2012, 03:27 PM

My dad never used vulgar language or any cuss words whatsoever. Not even a "hell" or a "jackass" out of him. But there was one thing that always cracked me up when I was a kid... when the streets were icy and slick in the winter, he'd say "It's slicker than snot on glass." 'Cause, ya know, I was a kid, and snot was funny.

06-22-2012, 03:56 PM

my grandmother would always call my grandfather an old "horse's *ss'
my mother when she got angry would say:
" for cryin out loud" or "Judas Priest" mmmm pretty sure she did not mean the musical group.
oh I also heard " I will spank you so hard you wont be able to sit down for a week"
oh ya and for pouting I heard.." an elephant is gonna come along and sit on your lip"
or "your face is gonna freeze that way then how will you feel young lady?"
if I babbled on for too long without taking a breather then I was accused of having
"diarrhea of the mouth"

06-22-2012, 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by latebloomingmom View Post

my grandmother would always call my grandfather an old "horse's *ss'
my mother when she got angry would say:
" for cryin out loud" or "Judas Priest" mmmm pretty sure she did not mean the musical group.
oh I also heard " I will spank you so hard you wont be able to sit down for a week"
oh ya and for pouting I heard.." an elephant is gonna come along and sit on your lip"
or "your face is gonna freeze that way then how will you feel young lady?"
if I babbled on for too long without taking a breather then I was accused of having
"diarrhea of the mouth"

LOL! My dad called my mom "lard ass". That still cracks me up when I think about it!!

06-22-2012, 06:36 PM

My dad and I did alot of things together. I remember when we would hunt birds, and I missed an easy shot, he would say "son, you coulldn't hit a bull's ass with a bass fiddle."

06-22-2012, 07:32 PM

My Mom as we were heading out to a ball game in the car after we had our license: "Don't hit any little kids!"
WTF..??!

06-22-2012, 07:51 PM

whenever my sister or I would ask for a ride somewhere, my Dad would tell us to "use the 2 things hanging off your ass"

06-22-2012, 09:23 PM

My dad used to say about most of my friends: "he could use a good swift kick in the pants!".

06-22-2012, 11:03 PM

If ever I asked my dad for a lift somewhere,he would usually say "P#ss in your boot and swim".

Or ask mum what was for dinner,"S#it on toast and p#ss in a bucket"

Good times!

06-22-2012, 11:33 PM

Originally Posted by djflex View Post

My parents always told me i would be fat if i continued to eat so much....thought it was funny cuz it happened

lmao, and just what the hell are you going to do about it?

06-22-2012, 11:56 PM

Honest to God, I don't remember a lot that they told me. All I knew is that they loved me, and the proof was in the discipline! I can remember telling my Mom, "You just beat me til' I cry." Her response: " I beat you until I think I've made an impression!" LMAO Dad was rough! Mom was even more!

None of this bull****, "wait until your Daddy gets home!" Good folk, minds and hearts where they needed to be. Cost me a lot growing up!

I wouldn't take the world and a king's ransom for that! They, unfortunately, don't make them like that anymore!

Parents, living, dead, sleeping, under dirt. Just stop and think! An incredible gift! Even if it came with some hard knocks. Your own can, and have, delt out some tough love, no? When it comes from those who love you, what a blessing. Much, much better than when the discipline eventually comes from the 'state,' who could give a rat's ass!

To all the little ****s out there, full of themselves and chomping at the bit to be, stop, look, listen. If you're blessed, then there's a word to the wise, always! Ha ha

I would wish upon everyone a pair of good parents! Even with all of their faults!

06-23-2012, 12:04 AM

Mine always said, "Be careful driving!" every time we left the house, even as adults! Our witty comeback was always, "Thanks! I was gonna hit that big tree on my way out, but now I guess I won't!" LOL, it was a running family gag after a while.

06-23-2012, 12:10 AM

Originally Posted by V-240 View Post

Mine always said, "Be careful driving!" every time we left the house, even as adults! Our witty comeback was always, "Thanks! I was gonna hit that big tree on my way out, but now I guess I won't!" LOL, it was a running family gag after a while.

We always said; "Careful is my middle name!" Ha ha Little did they know! God is gracious, no? Chock it up to something. We've lived through it! And now we're worried about 'younger folk!'

Pay back!!!!

06-23-2012, 12:34 AM

Originally Posted by erinlee01 View Post

My dad used to call my boyfriends by the previous boyfriend's name. On purpose. Made funnier by the fact that I did not bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend and it was often months between one and the next.

LMAO I think I like your Dad! God bless him. What wonderful, sweet, well thought out trouble! I can gaurantee that he knew just who the hell each and every one was! LOL

06-23-2012, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by john-t-b View Post

More from my mother than my father. She's german and a hard time pronouncing words sometimes....

Mom "wait 'til your father gets home." I heard that a lot but it wasn't funny.

Mom after we did someting we souldn't "You little sunamabitch come here"

Mom used the wooden spoon on us. She broke it off on my a$$ one day. "you broke my good spoon!!!!!!! Now you're gonna get it." As she was getting the plastic one.

My father had one really good one. My GF called one day. He answered the phone and she thought it was me.
GF "John?"
Dad "yea"
GF " i missed you last night."
Dad "yea"
GF "I was thinking about your touch and.."
Dad "I thik you want my son."
GF "sorry bye"
I got home and he said "i think you're in trouble with the GF"

OMG my mother was German also. I think the wooden spoon beating is a German thing. She actually used many other household items to beat us, but wooden spoon was high on the list. Once she cracked me over the head with a baking sheet. Many years later I was at her house and heard a large "bang" coming from the oven. She says oh don't you remember that's the cookie sheet that I hit you with over your head, now when it gets hot it makes that noise when it springs up. D'oh.

06-23-2012, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by dungeonmistress View Post

OMG my mother was German also. I think the wooden spoon beating is a German thing. She actually used many other household items to beat us, but wooden spoon was high on the list. Once she cracked me over the head with a baking sheet. Many years later I was at her house and heard a large "bang" coming from the oven. She says oh don't you remember that's the cookie sheet that I hit you with over your head, now when it gets hot it makes that noise when it springs up. D'oh.

Wooden spoon, what a bunch of wusses your parents were. My Dad, he used the handle off one of my many broken hockey sticks!! That'll leave a mark!